I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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