Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.