you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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