I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.