He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now