Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You smell like stripper and shame
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
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I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.