Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here