Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick