My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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