i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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