Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
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Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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