I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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