Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
