U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
