Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
