When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize