im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
