She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
