well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
