Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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