pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
