You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
