My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
