Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
