Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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