It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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