I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
