I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
