She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
