I'm so fucking centered right now
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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