How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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