My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
