Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
