i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
