I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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