Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
