someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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