I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
