I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
