I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
