I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
