I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize