He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
