He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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