I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
