If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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