i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
BRING THE BAGELS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
