I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
