When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
