Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
