listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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