Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
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i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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