o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
