TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
