ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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