oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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