Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
