Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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