I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
