I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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