never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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