TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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