I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
YAS. BRING CRAB.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
