meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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