I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
