I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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