Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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