On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize